The Gift of Independence – The Story of Dillon and Mark
Dillon and Mark were best friends all their lives. Dillon went out and started working a job at 16 years of age. Mark decided he would rather stay up late and play video games. After all, “who needs a job when mom works and can hand over HER money.” The problem with this scenario some ten years later when Dillon and Mark were 27 and 26 was that Dillon now had a house of his own, a new wife, and a baby on the way. He was doing well for himself. Mark resented this. Where was he with his life? Broken relationships, he lived with several girls and when things didn’t work out he ended up back home with mom.
Dillon and Mark went out for dinner one night to catch up on life. Dillon was doing great. He shared how he was in his fifth year at the company he works for. Mark hadn’t kept a job longer than a year, and was still living off his mom’s credit card. That is actually what he planned to pay for his meal with. Mark shared with Dillon, “I don’t get it man. You and I, we grew up together, the same streets, and same neighborhood. Why is it you have done so much better?” Dillon told Mark how when he was growing up his parents pushed him. They wouldn’t even buy his toothpaste for him once he turned eighteen. He didn’t have an option to be lazy or not want to do something for himself. Mark pondered how Dillon even had a wife and kid on the way, when he was the one who always had all the girls.
Later than night Mark waited for his mother to get home. He was living in her basement and hadn’t realized that she doesn’t get home some nights till eleven in the evening, or even one in the morning. She finally came in that night around midnight. As she was turning off all the lights, she was a little surprised to see Mark in the kitchen getting a snack. “This is late for you” she said. Mark asked her if they could talk.
Mother “Why sure son.”
Mark “So I had dinner with Dillon tonight. Man he puts me to shame.”
Mother “What do you mean son?”
Mark “The man is five years in a job, wife, kid on the way. Look at me. I don’t even know where my next dollar is coming from.”
Mother “You’ll be fine. We will figure this out.”
Mark “Shouldn’t I maybe be working to help you for a change? I’m feeling kind of bad. Ma? Why didn’t you push me more?”
Mother “I was fine with you staying home, till whenever.”
Mark “But it hasn’t done me any favors. I appreciate this mom, but I don’t even know where to start.”
Years went by and Mark and his mother pretty much forgot they ever had that conversation. Mark was now forty and working a part time job. His mother was in her sixties, remarried, her husband was working so she was only working one full time job herself. Mark had lived with a girl he was engaged to for nine years. When things didn’t work out he without hesitation asked his mother to move back in to the basement and she allowed him to do so. What stopped this mom from saying no? Because the place was there? After all, this was her kid. What other option did she have?
Sometimes in order for our kids to grow and learn, the answer has to be no. Sometimes our yes as parents doesn’t allow them to ever learn to fend for themselves. Take this situation and think, where would Mark be in another ten years, twenty years, and so on. In today’s world this is so common, and it is very sad. What needs to start at home is coping skills. Kids need to be taught life skills. Kids need to be taught that if they want something they will have to work hard for it. They will learn by that how to appreciate their accomplishments. Don’t be that parent that has the kid asking them why you didn’t allow them to have what Dillon had. It wasn’t given to him. He parents gave him something that caused him to have a drive in life to work for what he wanted to have. Not wish for what others had, that he didn’t.